The wedding notebook of DOOM AND DISASTER!
by Lyrei
Summary: In which you learn why Grendel is so old, Dances with the Balrog's other names and certain rules of notebook-writing. CRACKFIC. Fluff. Minor mayhem. No notebooks were harmed in the making of this fic.


Contrary to all beliefs, Athena and Dances with the Balrog were very good friends.

**+++The awesome wedding planner book that destroys all other wedding planner books version 1!+++  
Date: A month before the wedding!  
**

It lacks a certain something, Dances. I dunno, really. Maybe pink hearts or something. Actually, I hate pink. Make them yellow hearts instead. Yellow hearts!  
**-Athena Pierce**

Athena, I highly doubt that decorating _The awesome wedding planner book that destroys all other wedding planner books [version 1] _will somehow plan out your wedding.  
Or will it?  
Anyway, unless a wedding usually involves butchering people, I'm lost.  
It's your wedding anyway- what do _you _want?  
**-Dances with the Balrog**

Whatever, Tangos with the Balrog.  
You're supposed to be my best friend here!  
What the heck am I supposed to do?  
Remind me- we have how long again?  
**-Athena**

A month.  
My name is _Dances _with the Balrog. _DANCES!  
_Not tango.  
-_**DANCES **_with the Balrog.

A month, Waltzes with the Balrog.  
One freaking month.  
I haven't been to a wedding in my _life.  
_What do people do at weddings anyway…  
Eat pie?  
**-Athena **

It's _Dances_-oh I give up.  
People get _married _at weddings, 'Thena.  
Maybe people eat pie.  
I don't know.  
The last wedding I went to involved lots and lots of blankets.  
Maybe you should get some blankets.  
**-Dances  
**

Hmm, maybe you're right:

**+Awesome list of things to buy and do for the awesome wedding! Version 1  
**+ Blankets  
+????????

Now what?  
**-Athena**

You're the one getting married to Forrest Dark, not me.  
What do I know?  
I mean, it's not like I'm ever going to get married…  
**-Dances**

We need help.  
_Professional _help.  
**-Athena**

Can we dress up as ninjas, then go?  
**-Dances**

No time for the ninja suits!  
This is a time for action and wedding-planning!  
'Sides, Forrest hates the ninja suits.  
He says if we really wanted to become thieves that much, he'd help us throw a couple of stars.  
Maybe we could sign up for some lessons or something.  
**-Athena**

Athena, I am aghast.  
I am a warrior!  
A warrior chieftain!  
I would never ever even _think _of touching a weapon other than the magnificent sword, the elegant spear, the hefty polearm.  
**-Dances (angered and shocked)**

So Thursday evenings good?  
**-Athena (oh, so now we're being all fancy, are we?)**

Yup, Thursday sounds good.  
Now can we _please _go get the help before I lose any more of my dignity?  
**-Dances (yes we are!)**

**

* * *

**

If the inhabitants of Henesys were ever alarmed at the sight of their fearless leader and the warrior chieftain unceremoniously dragging the ruler of mages into the aforementioned leader's house, they hid it well.

* * *

Why, why, _why _in the name of _Scania _did you drag me here?  
**-Grendel the Magnificent**

Jeez, Grendel.  
Take a chill pill- we just needed your help to plan an ol' wedding, that's all.  
**-Athena (Grendel, you are **_**not **_**magnificent. Believe me.)**

'An ol' wedding', you say?  
ATHENA, weddings are the most _sacramental _event ever.  
It's referred to as the most _emotional _and _happiest _day of your life!  
I cannot_ believe_ the degrading way you are referring to it!  
Athena, getting married is not a joke!

On a side note, might I ask why we're scribbling away in this notebook?  
We could have a perfectly normal, civilised conversation.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (I am magnificent. You're just jealous.)**

I feel left out.  
**-Dances (Athena's right. Take a chill pill, Grendelwyn.)**

Can't people just write down what they want to say instead?  
Talking is so _an hour _ago.  
Try to keep up, Grendel…wyn.  
I'm snickering.

And it's just a wedding, _chill!  
_We don't need to get all _emotional _about it.  
**-Athena (Damn straight I'm right.)**

Athena, Athena.  
Okay. I am taking a 'chill pill'.  
I am perfectly calm and composed. Yes.  
Yes I am.

Let me put it this way, Athena- if you could pick any random day, and do whatever you want with no consequences at all, what would you do?  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (If I'm not magnificent then what am I?)**

Oh, Scania.  
Where do I even start?  
**-Athena (An overreacting irate old mage that needs to chill.)**

Dances, she has that evil glint in her eye.  
The glint she had right before she made my anti-ageing spell backfire.  
Right before she threw that pie at the Head Godmaster's face.  
Right before she tripped me over into my cake at my own birthday party.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (OLD? OLD?! I'm younger than you are!)**

We should leave.  
**-Dances (You have a beard, Grendel. That says it all.)**

Oh no you don't!  
Okay- I know what I want the wedding to be like:  
Yellow.  
**-Athena (I agree with Dances. You have a beard. We don't.)**

...  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (You made the anti-ageing spell backfire! Shut up!)**

I know, aren't I original?  
**-Athena (Whatever lets you sleep better at night, Grendel.)**

Athena, you are not having a yellow wedding.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (You did it. I have proof.)**

It's her wedding, I guess.  
If she wants yellow, damn _straight _she's getting yellow.

If not, I'll growl menacingly at you until you agree.  
**-Dances. (Oh? Do you now?)**

Ooh, we can go to the new Orbis theme park!  
I hear they had a ride that goes from the highest point of Orbis straight down to Ellinia!  
Oh my Scania, we could have the wedding there!  
**-Athena (He doesn't.)**

We're not having your wedding at the theme park.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (I do.)**

Killjoy.  
**-Athena. (Nu-uh)**

I am not a killjoy.  
I am practical.  
I am level headed.  
I am mature and calm.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (Yah-huh)**

And you have a beard.  
**-Dances (Nu-huh)**

That's it, we're going to get Forrest to see what he thinks!  
I mean, he's going to be at the wedding as well!  
He should get a choice in this thing.  
**-Athena (What Dances said)**

What do you mean, he's going to be at the wedding as well?  
He's the _groom _for Scania's sake.  
The groom!  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (Okay, okay. Stop this right now.)**

What's that got to do with anything?  
And don't snatch the notebook!  
It's my _precious.  
_(heartheartheart! Don't you dare snatch it ever again.)  
**-Athena (You started it.)**

Oh for the love of-  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (Did not.)**

* * *

If the inhabitants of Henesys ever felt concerned for the mental stability of their island leaders, it would've been when Athena Pierce, Grendel the Wise and Dances with the Balrog abducted and dragged the King of thieves into Athena's wooden, mushroom-shaped house.

Of course, if anyone asked, they'd deny it.

* * *

Hi Athena. Always a pleasure to see you again.  
Why do you keep telling me to be silent every time I try to speak?  
Writing is just so troublesome and tiring.  
Talking is troublesome and tiring as well.  
Maybe we should all just sit down calmly in silence.  
That would be the least troublesome and tiring cause of action.

Forrest you idiot! You forgot to sign your name!  
**-Dances (Displeased)**

Sorry.  
**-Forrest (Apologetic)**

Much better.  
Anyway, Forrest _daaaaarling_, I was saying that we should have the wedding at the new Orbis theme park…  
What do you think, _dear_?  
**-Athena (Don't yell at him, Dances.)**

What wedding?  
**-Ferkjssa**

Um, Athena. I think you've dazzled him into temporary memory loss.  
I don't think you should do that again- he might faint or something.  
This is Forrest we're talking about.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (Really. Don't do it.)**

Someone slap him back into reality, thanks.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent**

Oh.  
My.  
Scania.  
GRENDELWYN KADEKASTER, YOU DID _NOT _JUST DOUBLE WRITE.  
No, old man, you just don't do it.  
It's one of those things you just don't do_, __man.  
_**-Athena (Thanks for the advice, I think he's back.)**

Why am I here again?  
**-Forrest (I'm confused...)**

The wedding, Forrest, the wedding.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (Confusion is a look that does not become you, Forrest.)**

What's a wedding?  
**-Forrest (Huh?)**

That's it.  
Time for Plan B.  
**-Grendel the Magnificent (All of you are idiots.)**

* * *

If it isn't clear enough:

+Crackfic.  
+They're writing in a notebook  
+Athena and the Dark Lord are getting married  
+Only Grendel actually knows anything about the oh-so-wonderfulness of marriage.  
+The **bolded **part after their names is like a whole other conversation in itself.

I blame this on my religious studies lesson.  
Assignment: Dream wedding.  
I have never heard the word 'pink' said so many times in the same sentence before.


End file.
